The biggest lie Apple told during the WWDC keynote was that the man sitting on the couch was looking at 3D images and videos of his children. Trust me: Apple’s first 3D camera and the VisionPro headset it is baked into will be used to film and watch porn.
That man on the couch is keeping up with whoever’s OnlyFans he follows, and it is genius.
Think about it: Spatial Photos and Spatial Videos are the greatest content creation upgrade the adult film industry has ever received. Up until now VR porn was flat 360 video. Now there’s additional depth and immersive surround sound.
And that’s kind of the extent of the innovation that VisionPro brings to the proverbial table.
Everything else is an amalgamation of features that have existed for almost a decade, but without the slick Apple marketing machine behind it.
Take it from someone who has had a fair share of Microsoft HoloLens demos in his career as a tech reporter: I’ve seen this movie before. These devices are not the iPhone killer many commentators will tout it as.
The market has rejected VR and 3D entertainment experiences in the past and will do so again, and getting Disney’s Bob Iger on stage to herald the second coming of TV you can only watch by yourself – and using that mid What If? Marvel show as the hero product? – is not going to change that.
Humans are social creatures. How long did it take for us to get back to The Club or packing 50,000 people in a stadium after Covid? Exactly.
There are, however, fantastic use cases for VR. Driving simulators and porn.
Don’t get me wrong, though, I am applauding Apple for putting the content creation tools and the content viewing tools in the same device. It’s something they learnt from Sony – still the only smartphone manufacturer that focuses on 4K video recording on the phone, while also giving you a screen that you can watch the content back on in its native resolution and frame rate.
I am happy for the OnlyFans whales who will probably buy up most of the stock and gift it to their favourite creators.
The rest of us can look forward to a great iPhone in the fall. Oh, and unmatched PDF handling on the iPad!
